The saying goes “Life begins where fear ends”. Fear is an interesting thing the way it controls you more than you realize. They way your heart rate starts racing or how you feel, so numb you can’t move. When you have fears that hold you back from living. All the what ifs that run through your mind, the should/shouldn’t I’s that we ask ourselves. The fear we won’t be enough, of losing someone we care about or the fear of not living to your potential. Fear comes in all shapes wither it be spiders, germs, cars or anything else that scares us. Never be ashamed of those fears you face every day. They may have made you, but they will never define you unless you let them
My fears have always had the better of me. The anxiety they bring can be crippling and heart stopping. When I was younger and someone would ask where I see myself in 5, 10 or 20 years, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. I always thought I’d be living in California, fear of leaving home keeps me in Virginia. Always wanted to be an actor or work in film, fear of not looking the “part” or not being good enough keeps me in a job where I don’t feel accomplished at the end of a day. Fear of people leaving again keeps me from opening up. Fear of losing someone I love again keeps me always in a constant worry. Fear is the word. Fear is the feeling. Fear is what we let control us.
Over the years I have started realizing more of the reasons I don’t do the things I want. All the anxiety I feel from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep. The short hours of sleep I get is my peace (if I actually sleep). All the restlessness I feel inside. I have started taking small steps to overcome those things holding me back from really living and wanting to live. I’m almost thirty years old, I feel like I haven’t even lived my life. Like my last post “Change begins at the end of your comfort zone”.
So this last year I started doing things out of my comfort zone. I left a job that I had been at for eight years for something new. I have started working on talking to people more rather than shutting down around people. Opening up more to my family about things I feel, which I have been embarrassed about. Trying out this whole blogging thing when I would normally keep to myself and my opinions. Not every day is easy to step out of that comfort zone or to make a change, But once you do the possibilities are endless.
I wouldn’t change my struggles I’ve felt over the years, though, or the fears that crippled me. Those things also made me who I am. They made me appreciate things more. Made me want to be a better person and help people who struggle more, Because I’ve been there and felt that. I still feel it. It’s made me really appreciate the smaller things in life, like a flower you see when you’re walking. How beautiful the sun is when it rises and sets. How it makes me smile when I see someone happy, not envy them.
I am not saying everything gets better from stepping out of that zone or making a change, but it’s a start. If you don’t start somewhere, then you won’t get anywhere. I still struggle every day, sometimes I rather just stay in the house and never leave. Just keep doing the same thing every day instead of switching it up. I had a counselor that would tell me on our visits “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”.
Those fears we face each day I don’t believe we ever really get over them, but we learn to live with them. We learn to not let them live our lives for us. We face them each day and tell them I will not let you control me. I will make a change today. I will start living for a better me. So make a change. Say hi to that new person at work. Go out for that sports team. Go for that job you always wanted. Ask out that guy/girl you’ve been flirting with for ages. Don’t let those fears hold you back from taking those chances. Wither those chances pan out or not at least you can say you tried and didn’t give up.
“The key to change is to let go of fear.” – Rosanne Cash
Until next time -S
SAM I AM 